2011 in review

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 1,500 times in 2011. If it were a cable car, it would take about 25 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Why?!

starting with a hi and ending with a byeee
we said everything we said no lies
going here and there going so far
we asked many questions but never asked why
do you know why the sun is shining?
do you know why the birds are singing?
do you know why the sky is blue?

Waiting for the orange juice for what else could i do
No words to say except i love you
You said no words i felt like a fool
until you held my hand and i heard “i love you too”
do you know why the sun is shining?
do you know why the birds are singing?
do you know why the sky is blue?

Everything happens for a reason, i know this is true
and when it comes to love the reason is simply you
so just follow your heart in whatever you do
and stop asking why coz um sure you really know
do you know why the sun is shining?
do you know why the birds are singing?
do you know why the sky is blue?

mfa – Why?!

I Miss You

I’ve been wandering around the house all night
Wondering what the hell to do
I’m trying to concentrate but all I can think of is you
Well the phone don’t ring cuz my friends ain’t home
I’m tired of being all alone
Got the TV on cuz the radio’s playing songs
that remind me of you

Baby when you’re gone
I realize I’m in love
The days go on and on
And the nights just seem so long
Even food don’t taste that good
Drink ain’t doing what it should
Things just feel so wrong – baby when you’re gone

I’ve been driving up and down these streets
Trying to find somewhere to go
Ya I’m lookin’ for a familiar face but there’s no one I know

This is torture, this is pain
It feels like I’m gonna go insane
I hope you’re coming back real soon
Cuz I don’t know what to do

Bryan Adams – When You’re Gone

The Girl Inside (7)

Why does everything have to be that complicated? Why don’t things just go smoothly?! I used to blame everybody around me and i still do. But now i know it’s me who has the clue to everything but um afraid to use it. He is a great guy, not perfect though. But who’s perfect?! Um sure he loves me so much and um sure he’s ready to do anything for me to be happy. I believe all what he says and i know he is the best guy i’ve ever met. But um still afraid.

Before i used to be afraid of not finding the right guy. Now um afraid of the new life that i never imagined. I used to dream about my fairy tale like all girls do. But i’ve just discovered that we, girls, have never gone through any details of this fairy tale. It’s just like a dream that when we wake up we don’t remember any pictures or names, we just get so many feelings inside us. We just dream of a great guy and a great happy life but without even outlines for this great picture. And that’s why we remain afraid.

Sometimes i hear a soft voice calling my name and telling me “This is your fairy tale, just go on and enjoy” and some other times i become too rational like i’ve never been and think about things that i’ve never thought of and try to keep away of this voice that’s calling me and i manage to do that. But then the same voice comes back and says “Nobody will bring a ready-made fairy tale for you. Go and make your own”. When i hear this i can’t bear to keep away and i surrender to my deep feelings that keep saying “I love him so much”

It doesn’t make much of a difference whether the question is “Am i going to find the right guy?” or “Am i ready for getting married?”. There will always be a question with a missing answer and i will always be afraid. So either i will surrender to this and remain afraid for the rest of my life or i will just follow the feelings um sure of and leave anything else behind. I know you would definitely say i must go for the second one. But believe me it’s not that easy at all. You just don’t understand. I came back to the word i always say: “You just don’t understand” … But today i have something to add: “You just don’t understand … And i don’t know”

I’m getting old … So what?!
I’m afraid, not depressed.
I LOVE YOU

Dear Blog,

I know today is not your birthday but i really need to talk to you. I was planning not to talk about this now and wait till February 5 but i can’t wait anymore. You’ve always been there for me whenever i needed you. From day one we promised to be frank and real. Um sure you know what i wanna say. I know you feel it. And i don’t know what i should say. You know how much i love you and how dear you are to me. You’ve been the one whom i’ve always run to whenever i needed to talk. You’ve been the only one who understands me and you’ve been my real big supporter.

“It’s not the first time to have my thoughts written, actually i used to write my thoughts in my e-mails and i have those mails printed in a wonderful book. But unfortunately, i lost the e-mail address that i used to forward my thoughts to and i ran out of paper just like my noisy printer usually does” … That was the reason we met and decided to start. This reason is not there anymore. Today i know to where i address all my thoughts and feelings. That doesn’t mean that i will stop blogging; it’s not that easy to leave you. But there will be some change and um sure you’ll understand this. I still love you and you’re still dear to me .. nothing has changed regarding this point.

Dear Blog, I’m in love. She’s a very nice girl. I’m sure you’ll love her too and you’ll be good friends. So maybe one day we will all share our thoughts here. Maybe you will have a new-look other than this dark green one (which i like so much).

I know it’s not that easy for you to accept this but neither me nor you have any other option. So, don’t try to put yourself into comparison with her coz frankly she will always be the winner. You have nothing to do but to try to be her friend. Also it’s better for you to support our love coz if anything occured (may God never let this happen) this will be our last day together.

Hey, tell me congratulations!

Yours,
mfa

Dear Tuesday

I know nobody loves you. You’re not that special to most people, not even to me i admit, except that i mark you as the best day for a girl to be born on. People never wait for your coming, they always wait for you to go. I know how bad it feels to be useless. But believe me it’s just a feeling. You are a great day. Without you there wouldn’t be all those great Tuesday-girls. Without you there wouldn’t be that great no. “7″; my favorite. Without you Sunday and Thursday would miss their trinity.

You will never satisfy all people, i guess you know that much better than i do. So you have to be always there for those who love you and wait for you. No matter they are few, i guess this is just because you are so special.

Dear Tuesday, come quickly and pass peacefully.

Lucky

I’m a very lucky person. Maybe i never had the courage to admit it but this is the truth. I was blessed by so many good things and they never stop. There’s a cycle that i always go through for all these good things to come to me. I don’t go through it intentionally, but it happens all the time. This cycle is as follows:

1. Setting Target
2. Hesitation
3. Hard Work
4. Depression
5. Hard Work
6. Fear
7. Test
8. Hope
9. Depression
10. Hope

I guess um more lucky coz it’s not just that all my dreams come true but they come at the very right time. People keep pushing me to take many steps but i always wait. I’ve never been in a hurry for anything. I am always sure i do what i want at the right time. And i always get the best results. Thanks God.

You know what?

So I’ve Learned That Love’s Not Possession
And I’ve Learned That Love Won’t Wait
Now I’ve Learned That Love Needs Expression
But I Learned Too Late

It’s never too late.
I will not push anymore.
I’m relieved.

Eyeglasses

Definition: Optical instrument consisting of a frame that holds a pair of lenses for correcting defective vision.

The definition sounds great but this is the one you will get from a dictionary or an optometrist. However, if you ask anybody who puts eyeglasses – and of course who is not an optometrist - he would say something totally different. He would start his speech saying these words “My eyeglasses are part of me”. These are the only words that would seem positive. The rest of the speech would be totally surprising for you. It would shift towards talking about ears, nose, cheeks, hair and maybe eyebrows or even sex!

My problem with eyeglasses is in the definition itself i guess. Or alternatively i can ask this question “Why should we look for something that corrects defective vision?”. Please don’t rush with the typical answer before you do the following: Spend one complete day without having your eyeglasses. Do that willingly and never think about them until the next day comes. I’ve done that myself many times. I almost do it periodically.

Not all people behave the same when they try to get rid of their eyeglasses. It depends on how much they need details and whether these details are appealing to them or not. For example you can like something so much when you see it for the first time but when you go through the details you find yourself offended. On the contrary you might fall in love with something just because of a very fine detail. And you can lose all this love once you can’t see this piece of detail.

As for me, removing my eyeglasses gives me peace. I always miss passing my hands over my cheeks and then up through my hair. My ears and nose are always complaining about these eyeglasses. I also can’t hear very well when i remove my eyeglasses but i like this. When i started wearing eyeglasses i was happy coz i never liked my eyes. But just few days after i realized how much i love them. “However, my eyeglasses are part of me”. I forgot to tell you that i always end my speech about eyeglasses using these words, not at the beginning like most people do.

2011 Wishes (Updated)

The first quarter (half) of 2011 is coming to an end and this is the first (second) time i sit down to think what i will do or wish to do in 2011. This year is really prominent; too many events and, as usual (surprisingly), not as (too) much action from my side (as well). Anyway (Moreover), i’m recharging and more action is on the way. Here is my initial (updated) list for 2011:

• Finish at least 50% of my Master Degree
  If i managed to do so i will go on with my studies in 2012 and hopefully finish by mid year. If i didn’t, unfortunately, i will quit.
• No marriage this year
  This is mentioned here as a reminder. It’s not as easy as it looks. I’m gonna wait. Who’s gonna wait for me?!
• To be with you forever (Added June 15)